Exploring the Limits of Positivity: A Call to Authenticity
“Stay positive!” How many times have we heard this well-meaning advice when life feels heavy and unmanageable?
“Stay positive!” How many times have we heard this well-meaning advice when life feels heavy and unmanageable? It’s meant to comfort, to guide us toward brighter skies. But in those moments when stress overwhelms or life feels unrelenting, does it really help?
Positivity has its place, but when it becomes the default prescription for pain, it risks glossing over something crucial: our need to feel. To acknowledge. To integrate.
We live in a culture obsessed with fixing, mending, and healing—where our worth can feel tied to how “complete” we appear. But what if healing isn’t the goal? What if our purpose lies not in erasing our struggles but in living fully with them?
The Pressure to ‘Fix’ Ourselves
At the heart of the healing narrative lies a dangerous undercurrent: the belief that we must constantly strive to repair or improve ourselves to be whole. This mindset creates a sense of perpetual inadequacy, implying that until we’re “healed,” we’re incomplete.
I’ve been in conversations where someone’s well-meaning “look on the bright side” left me feeling unseen, as though my struggles were too messy or inconvenient to acknowledge. Maybe you’ve felt that too—this silent pressure to smile when you’d rather scream.
Toxic positivity only adds to this weight, subtly suggesting that negative emotions or unhealed wounds are failures to be eradicated. But true wholeness doesn’t come from avoiding our struggles; it comes from integrating them into our lives with compassion.
When healing becomes our sole focus, we risk losing sight of the bigger picture: living fully in the present, with all its imperfections.
The Mask of Optimism
Positivity has a shadow side. When it becomes a forced response to difficult emotions, it transforms into toxic positivity—a relentless insistence on “good vibes only” that leaves no space for authenticity. This cultural phenomenon encourages us to bypass pain, skip discomfort, and leap straight into solutions.
The problem? Stress doesn’t vanish when ignored—it lingers, waiting for its moment to resurface. When we’re told to “look on the bright side” without addressing what’s weighing us down, it invalidates our feelings and adds a layer of guilt for not feeling okay.
Authentic emotional resilience doesn’t come from plastering over cracks with optimism. It begins with acknowledging the cracks themselves.
The Role of Attention in Managing Stress
I’ve recently been reading “Peak Mind” by Dr Amishi P Jha and have been absorbed by the idea of attention and its role in so much of the lived experience.
Our ability to manage stress hinges on this finite resource - attention.
Think of your attention as mental currency. Every task, emotion, and sensation demands a withdrawal, and when stress levels rise, the bank quickly depletes.
I’ve noticed this in my own life. When I’m overwhelmed, even the simplest tasks—writing a to-do list or sending an email—feel monumental. My focus narrows, and the world shrinks to the size of my stress. This survival mechanism is useful in moments of real danger but costly when we face prolonged challenges.
Recently, I had a friend visit, and we were out for coffee with my partner. The weather was beautiful, the coffee was great, and we had exciting plans ahead. The three of us were full of smiles. But behind my smile, I was having a rather frustrating fight with my mind. I was locked in a perpetual cycle of thought, trying to hang onto my own attention. The tighter I grabbed, the more it slipped through.
I excused myself and went to “the toilet” to try and take control of my mind, to calm down and be still. But the harder I tried to force stillness, the more it backfired. My inner dialogue grew louder, and so did my sense of hopelessness. I longed, in that moment, to simply be able to experience life—not to live in fast-forward or reverse.
Many of us experience this. It might be a loss, a tragedy, a health scare, or even an inconvenience at work that prompts us to take stock of how present we really are as life unfolds. But the trigger doesn’t always have to be a negative event. Sometimes, it’s a good thing—a promotion or a sweet moment with a loved one—that clues us in to how distracted or disconnected we feel in that present moment.
And in those moments when attention is in short supply, “quick fixes” like journaling or affirmations can sometimes make things worse. Instead of calming the mind, in that moment, they can add to the attention deficit. That’s because these tools aren’t designed to solve crises; they’re meant to optimise the brain’s functions over time, not to provide an immediate fix. This is where the concept of neuroplasticity comes into play—the brain’s remarkable ability to change and adapt with consistent, intentional effort.
“Mental Pushups: Building a Stronger Mind
If you think of journaling, affirmations, and meditation as mental pushups, just as physical exercise strengthens the body, these practices fortify the mind. But their true power lies in consistency. They’re not quick fixes; they’re investments in resilience. Dr Jha gives a great example of this in action; if you were to imagine you were about to help a friend move a piece of furniture and approach the heavy piece realising you’re not quite up to the task but then drop to the floor to do 2 push-ups to gain the strength you need you’re not very likely to be successful.
This is a very similar tale for most of us faced with cognitive challenges - if you’re one of those people that turns to journaling when times get tough instead of shaping a consistent habit or practice - choosing to write out a “mental push-up” or two when in a crisis it’s likely you will only feel more depleted.
Journaling: Regular journaling helps us process emotions, clarify thoughts, and identify patterns. It’s most effective as a daily habit—not as a one-off solution during a crisis.
Affirmations: Positive affirmations rewire neural pathways, fostering self-belief and optimism. Yet, they can feel hollow if we don’t first acknowledge the reality of our struggles.
Meditation: Meditation trains the mind to stay present, enhancing focus and emotional regulation. Over time, it builds the mental muscle needed to navigate stress with grace.
The difference is, that these tools, when practiced regularly, act as a preventative shield, equipping us to handle life’s challenges with greater ease. But when used reactively, they can feel like applying a band-aid to a deeper wound.
The Power of Acknowledgment
Why do we resist discomfort? Because sitting with pain feels counterintuitive. We’re wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain, yet neuroscience tells us that acknowledging difficult emotions can reduce their intensity.
When we name an emotion—“I feel anxious,” “I’m overwhelmed”—it activates the brain’s prefrontal cortex, the region responsible for rational thinking. This process, known as affect labeling, helps create psychological distance from the emotion, making it more manageable.
By giving ourselves permission to feel, we unlock a pathway to healing. It’s not about dwelling on pain but about facing it with curiosity and compassion.
Living Beyond Healing
If healing isn’t our purpose, then what is? The answer lies in embracing a life of wholeness—one that celebrates the full spectrum of human experience. Wholeness isn’t about being “fixed” or free of pain; it’s about accepting ourselves as we are, scars and all, while continuing to grow, connect, and contribute.
Here are some ways to live beyond the fixation on healing:
Expand Your Identity: Remind yourself that you’re more than your wounds. Explore roles and activities that bring you joy, whether it’s creating art, nurturing relationships, or pursuing a passion.
Cultivate Presence: Practice mindfulness not just as a tool for stress relief but as a way to savour life’s beauty in real time.
Prioritise Connection: Healing often happens in relationships, not isolation. Seek out communities where you can share, learn, and grow together.
Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: Shift your focus from “fixing” to celebrating small steps of growth. Each moment of courage or self-compassion is a victory.
Reframe Setbacks: Instead of seeing setbacks as failures, view them as opportunities to deepen your understanding of yourself and your journey.
From Healing to Authenticity
Authenticity lies at the heart of this perspective shift. It’s not about projecting an image of positivity or perfection but about showing up as your whole self, with all your complexities. Authenticity invites us to be honest about our struggles while also embracing our joys, strengths, and aspirations.
When we let go of the idea that healing is our purpose, we free ourselves to live more fully. We allow ourselves to laugh even when life feels hard, to connect deeply even when we feel vulnerable, and to move forward even when the path isn’t clear.
Prompt for action…
The next time you feel the pressure to “stay positive” or “fix” yourself, pause. Take a breath. What if you didn’t need to fix anything at all? What if you allowed yourself to be exactly as you are—flaws, fears, and all?
Healing is important, but it’s not the whole story. Your purpose isn’t to mend every crack but to live with them, to let them add texture to your life. Growth happens not because we avoid the hard stuff, but because we face it with honesty and courage.
In doing so, we unlock something more powerful than positivity: the freedom to live authentically, to laugh even when it’s hard, and to keep moving forward, scars and all.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to this article. If you’ve enjoyed it, please share it with someone else you feel may benefit and if you really liked it, why not subscribe or even better, buy me a coffee.
Take care of yourselves and others.
Nadya x
Namaste